Remember the Name - Chapter 42 - Misunderstanding (6)
While Lucid was immersed in his thoughts, Dong-in was struggling to keep his emotions in check and regain his cool. No matter how hard he thought about it, he kept coming to the conclusion that he had gone too far. There had been no need to blow things out of proportion like that. He could have taken care of things quietly, and he had ruined everything by losing his temper.
“Fucking bitch.” He murmured to himself, cursing without thought. He paced around the room like a windup doll, wondering how he should take care of the little kid.
“Dong-in, are you there?” A voice rang out from outside the door, and Dong-in trembled in fear, like a criminal caught on the scene.
“W-Who is it?”
“It’s me, Ki-Woong. Can I come in?”
Dong-in considered his options. He didn’t really want to see anyone, let alone talk, but he knew that alienating Ki-woong wouldn’t do him any good. So, he opened the door. Ki-woong was standing there, hands in his pockets, looking at Dong-in with mixed emotions.
Ki-woong was a freshman in high school. Standing at over 180 centimeters tall, he was well-built and had a knack for athletics, so much so that if his high school had had a sports club, they would have tripped over their feet trying to recruit him. Still, it so happened that Ki-woong’s high school was a liberal arts school and didn’t provide a sports club. They had a basketball and soccer teams, but they were only there as a sort of recreational activity rather than actual, competing teams. But even if the school did have a sports club, it was highly unlikely that Ki-woong would have joined. Ki-woong simply didn’t have the time to invest in a sports club, and more importantly, he knew that in order to fulfill his goal of obtaining a stable job and becoming independent, he had to focus on his studies. And focus he did, as he always achieved high scores and grades and was among the highest ranked in his whole school.
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Dong-in and Ki-woong had known each other from back when Dong-in was in elementary school, which was almost five years ago. At this point, Ki-woong was like an older brother to him, a real older brother, smart and kind and caring. He often helped Dong-in with his homework, and sometimes gave him advice when he had issues. They also frequently went out of the institute together. Ki-woong was perhaps the only person Dong-in felt was truly “on his side.”
“Dong-in,” Ki-woong began. His voice was as kind and gentle as ever, and as soon as he heard it, Dong-in choked back tears. “Did something happen?”
Ki-woong didn’t ask why Dong-in had done what he’d done. He didn’t reprimand him for doing wrong, and he didn’t ask for explanations. He simply asked why Dong-in was acting differently.
Someone who worried for him. That’s the kind of person Ki-woong was. He was compassionate, and thoughtful, and cautious.
Still, Dong-in couldn’t open up to him.
“I know you’re not the type of person to use violence willy-nilly. I’m sure there’s something more going on, something I don’t know, for you to be acting like this. I know you’re more mature than this. If there’s anything I can do, I want to help. We’re not related, but you’ll always be my younger brother.”
I’m sorry, Dong-in thought. I’m sorry. Yet, the words didn’t leave his mouth. He couldn’t look at Ki-woong. He feared he would burst into tears if he did. He feared that Ki-woong would see him for who he really was: a repulsive coward.
Ki-woong looked at Dong-in, standing still, head hung low, and sighed as he pat his shoulder.
“I guess I rushed too much. We’ll talk again once you calm down a bit, alright? You know I’m on your side.”
He was so kind, and Dong-in had yelled at him, cursed at him. Stupid Dong-in. Bad Dong-in. He knew he would be spending a long time reprimanding himself.
Ki-woong turned around and left, closing the door behind him. As he made for the stairs, he ran across a boy in the hallway. It was the same boy that Dong-in had hit earlier. Ki-woong only knew of him from the many rumors surrounding him. He was much too young for the high schooler to have had any proper interactions with, but Ki-woong had heard that he was uncharacteristically clever and well-natured for his age. Frankly speaking, he had heard the most about his “ridiculously good looks” and his “face that would put models to shame,” but neither of those things had been particularly interesting for Ki-woong.
“What brings you here? Do you want to see Dong-in?” asked Ki-woong.
“Yes.” Lucid answered. There was no fluctuation in his voice, no emotion. His answer was short, level, almost cold and indifferent. Were all elementary schoolers like this, nowadays?
“Well, that’s his room over there, but… Well. Why do you want to see him?”
No answer came, no matter how long Ki-woong waited. Dd he perhaps want to apologize? Or perhaps he was here for round two. Wait, Ki-woong thought. Wouldn’t it be a bad idea for the two to meet, then?
“Do you mind if we had a little chat first? Just the two of us.”
Lucid hesitated for a moment. After deciding that a small detour wouldn’t impact his plan in any significant way, he nodded. The two headed for Ki-woong’s room, and Lucid’s mood improved as soon as he stepped in. The room was clean, considering it was a high school boy’s room, and more importantly, there were many, many books. Books on the shelves and on the bedframe. When he saw Lucid show interest in his books, Ki-woong smiled.
“Do you like books?”
“Yes.” The answer came quickly, almost instinctively.
“I guess you do well in your studies, then. But all the books here are mine, so they might be a bit hard for you.”
“I like all books. Even if I don’t understand their content right away, as long as I keep reading, I can still learn from them, and then I’ll come to understand more and more.”
He sounded more like Ki-woong’s peer than a first grader.
“Oh, well. Alright. You can borrow them later, if you want. As long as it’s not something I need right away, I can lend them to you.”
“Thank you,” said Lucid, bowing his head.
“But before that, could we talk? Here, take a seat.”
Ki-woong motioned to the empty bed, patting it lightly. Not a single speck of dust rose up. Lucid took his seat at the edge of the pristine bed and looked up at the older boy.
“Thinking of it, I still don’t know your name. What is it?”
Lucid answered without hesitation.
“That’s a good name. But people still call you “plaster face”, huh?”
Was he expecting an answer? Before Lucid could decide what to do, Ki-woong continued speaking.
“Let me apologize on Dong-in’s behalf for what happened earlier. We should be looking after you younger ones, since we’re older, and no matter the reason, violence is bad.”
“… Is it?” asked Lucid.
What sort of question was that? Ki-woong was taken aback by the unexpected reaction, and he felt the conversation take a different turn.
“Of course. Who is your closest friend?”
“Myeong-su.”
The answer was almost automatic, coming out of his mouth without his brain even processing the question. Lucid felt his expression relax. Indeed, Myeong-su was his closest friend, who brought a smile to his face just by thinking about him.
“Myeong-su? Is he a classmate?”
“No, he’s my roommate here.”
“Oh, okay. Well then, let’s give you an example. Say that one day, Myeong-su broke something you really value, and let’s say that you got really, really angry. If you happened to hit him out of anger, would you feel good about it”
“No.”
The first conditional aside, Lucid couldn’t even imagine hitting Myeong-su. And if he ever saw someone else hit him, then he would “punish” them on the spot.
“Exactly. Hitting your friend can’t possibly feel good. And Myeong-su wouldn’t feel good about being hit, either. So if that happened, then the two of you couldn’t go back to being friends, right?”
It was a difficult thing, to explain the ethics and morals of violence to a first grader. Ki-woong himself was wholly unqualified, being only a freshman in high school himself. If this had been about grammar or math, he would have nailed it. Ki-woong felt the sweat beading on his nose.
“It’s the same thing with the rest of the world.” He continued. “People will sometimes get into disagreements with others, and have problems. Do you think you could live with someone who uses violence to solve those problems every time? Wouldn’t it be hard to be with them, let alone be friends? You wouldn’t know when that violence might be used against you. That would lead to mistrust and suspicion, right? That’s why violence is bad. It leaves a mark on the body, sure, but it also hurts people inside. That’s why in this world, where we have to coexist with others, violence is bad and should never be used lightly. That’s why I yelled at Dong-in earlier, and why I’m apologizing on his behalf.”
Ki-woong felt his shirt stick to his back from the sweat, but rather than feel accomplished at having explained the concept of violence, he was left feeling uncertain. Had he really explained it enough?
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because it’s my duty as an older brother to take responsibility for my younger brothers’ faults. I should be making sure that you all grow up to be good people, and I’ve failed to do that. It’s the same thing for you, you know. If you were to do something bad, whether in or out of this institute, I would rush over and apologize. Because you’re my younger brother, too. Right?”
Lucid now had an older brother.
“Well then, why did you want to meet Dong-in?” asked Lucid’s new “brother.”
Lucid felt that he shouldn’t answer with the full truth and chose to remain quiet, which caused Ki-woong to realize that he hadn’t gone to apologize.
“Will you tell me what happened earlier?” Ki-woong asked again, leaning slightly to meet the boy’s eye level. Lucid simply gave the same answer he had given to the teacher.
“Hmm. I can’t really tell what started it from what you just told me. Can you think of anything?”
“No. I don’t really know. That’s why… That’s why I wanted to talk to him. To ask him why.”
“Oh, so that’s why you came to meet him?”
Lucid forced himself to nod. He wasn’t quite lying. That truly had been his intention, at least until he had changed his mind.
“You really are smart, and nice, too. I almost got the wrong idea about you. As I told you ealier, it’s not easy, even for adults, to settle things through conversation. Same goes for me, too.”
Ki-woong smiled and ruffled Lucid’s hair. The boy, however, was already deep in thought.
“A society where we coexist,” he thought, “settling things through conversation… Violence might be used against me.”
If Lucid “eliminated” Dong-in as a way to get rid of the cause of it all, then logically speakig, that meant that he would have to go on eliminating “everyone” who might pose a threat to him. But how could he possible eliminate them all, and how could he prove that they could become “causes”?
Most importantly, he would have to continue living in this “society,” and he felt that maybe, there were rules in this society against this type of “removal.” Perhaps, even “that” world, the world that he had determined to be violent and barbaric… had rules against it.
This was something he had to keep thinking about. His own rules, the rules of this world, and the rules of that world. He would have to consider whether they were right or wrong, and he would have to consider this for a long time.
This was the day when Lucid was hit for the first time in his life, and the day when he first began to contemplate his views of the world and of society. It was also the day when, though he hadn’t gone through with it, Lucid first considered using his magic to hurt someone.
<Misunderstanding (6)> End.
