Bringing the Nation’s Husband Home - Chapter 925-949
Song Xiangsi didn’t instantly take his phone, she glanced at him with a questioning gaze.
Xu Jiamu knew what she was thinking, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned towards Father Song. “Coincidentally, I’m free the next few days so I can accompany you and Sisi back.”
Father Song was flattered. Instinctively, he glanced at Song Xiangsi. “Will it be too troublesome…”
“Definitely not, I’ve always wanted to visit Sisi’s hometown.” Xu Jiamu paused before adding, “Besides, I’ll be worried if only the two of you were to travel to such a far away place.”
Xu Jiamu waved the phone in front of Song Xiangsi. She clenched her lips and reached for it, swiftly typing for a moment before returning the phone back to him. He glanced at the details, checking for errors before sending it to his secretary.
–
Xu Jiamu settled the discharge procedures, using his card to pay for the hospital bills.
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Father Song was extremely weak. He stumbled forward unstably, so in the end Xu Jiamu pushed him down in a wheelchair brought over by a nurse.
–
A short while after the plane took off, Father Song shut his eyes in discomfort.
The plane was a little cold, so Xu Jiamu asked for two blankets, passing one to Song Xiangsi.
She turned to glance at him, thanking him softly. She reached over and when she covered herself with the blanket, she caught sight of him covering Father Song with the other blanket he asked for. Instinctively, she turned and glanced at him. When he finished covering Father Song, she was worried that he might spot something and shut her eyes tightly. After a short while, she felt his light actions – Xu Jiamu grabbed the blanket from her thighs, spreading it across her body.
Song Xiangsi’s lashes trembled, and she couldn’t help opening her eyes. At that moment, Xu Jiamu’s features came into sight close to her face.
Only after he ensured that she was protected from the cold did he notice her stare. Softly, he said, “I postponed the filming for the advertisement. They’ll continue when you’re free.”
Song Xiangsi grabbed onto the blanket, struggling to keep her cool. “Thank you.”
Xu Jiamu remained warm, but didn’t say anything, returning back to his own seat.
She turned to look out the window, the moon was bright and the stars shimmered in the clear skies, the stunning view melting her heart.
Three years ago, she had struggled to be resolute, but now his presence sent her into turmoil once again.
–
When they reached Jiangsu, it was already 12am. Song Xiangsi’s hometown was a small town, and since it was late, there weren’t anymore cars going there, so Xu Jiamu got two rooms in a hotel near the airport.
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Xu Jiamu roomed with Father Song while Song Xiangsi stayed in the other room alone.
There was a white wall separating both rooms.
Song Xiangsi roused early the next morning, heading over to the other room. Father Song opened the door, but by then Xu Jiamu was no longer around.
Father Song’s condition wasn’t good. He was sluggish, and even the few meters to the door sent him panting.
Song Xiangsi held onto him, helping him to the sofa. Before she could speak, Father Song spoke. ” Little Xu 1 barely slept the entire night.
“Last night, my stomach wasn’t feeling well and I had to go to the toilet countless times, and every time, he would carry me there. When I accidentally wet the bed in the middle of the night, he helped me change my clothes, clean me, and even gave up his bed for me to sleep while he guarded at the side. He even washed my soiled clothes…”
Father Song raised his hands, pointing to the clothes by the window.
“I can tell that he’s really a good guy and treats you sincerely. I’m really glad that he’ll be here to take care of you…”
Father Song rambled on continuously, while Song Xiangsi continued to stare at the clothes Xu Jiamu had washed in a daze.
–
When he came back , he held onto a few bags.
They didn’t bring any clothes as they had left in a hurry the night before. That morning, Xu Jiamu specifically bought two sets of clothes for both Song Xiangsi and Father Song, rented a car, and bought breakfast.
Father Song had difficulty moving, so Xu Jiamu sat beside him, patiently feeding him porridge scoop by scoop.
Song Xiangsi sat in front of them, moisture welling up in her eyes as she took in the sight. She lowered her head, not daring to look any longer, afraid that her resolution would waver.
In her memory, Xu Jiamu was always pampered and took things for granted, but somehow, he had changed at some point. Now, he was sensitive and knew how to take care of others, emitting safety and reliability that warmed her heart.
If in the eight years that they were together, there was even an instance she had experienced this side of him, maybe she wouldn’t have been so determined to leave him.
The Xu Jiamu now had finally met her expectations, becoming a man that was trustworthy and reliable, but they were strangers now.
–
At 11am, Xu Jiamu paid for the hotel and drove the car he had rented all the way to Song Xiangsi’s hometown.
The airport was about 400 km away from her hometown, so after about five hours on the road, they finally reached it.
Ever since Father Song left for Beijing to treat his illness, no one had been at their old home, so the house was a little dirty.
Xu Jiamu remained patient without any complaints even after a bad sleep and a whole day of driving. He rolled up his sleeves and helped with the home before heading out to buy some ingredients to make dinner.
However, that night, Father Song didn’t have much appetite. After picking on the food in his bowl, he took his medicine and headed to bed.
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
After dinner, Xu Jiamu washed the dishes. When he came out of the kitchen, Song Xiangsi was on the sofa, setting the blankets.
Hearing footsteps, she turned to look at him. She tossed the pillow back onto the sofa before walking towards the room that she had slept in when she was young. After pushing open the door, she turned to Xu Jiamu. “You can sleep in this room, I’ve changed the sheets.”
Xu Jiamu straightened. He glanced at the room then back at the sofa, understanding what she meant. Without hesitation, he said, “I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
“You must be tired from driving the entire day…”
Song Xiangsi tried to argue but he took large strides to the sofa and lied down.
She stared at him for a long while. “Thank you.”
Xu Jiamu nodded. “You’re welcome.”
She stood at the entrance of her room for a long while. “Goodnight,” she said before closing the door lightly.
Father Song seemed to have had a good night’s rest, for his condition was better than usual. After breakfast, he suggested on visiting Mother Song’s grave.
Before they left, Father Song instructed Song Xiangsi to find the Chinese tunic suit that Mother Song had personally made for him.
Mother Song was buried in Song family’s ancestral field, cars could only reach the road so they had to walk in.
Even though Father Song was feeling better, he still wasn’t able to walk much. In the end, Xu Jiamu carried him up.
Summer in the south was much hotter than in Beijing and it was currently afternoon, the hottest time of the day. The scorching sun blazed, and in less than two hundred meters, Xu Jiamu’s clothes were soaked in sweat, his short stylish hairstyle drenched.
Song Xiangsi tightened her grip on the umbrella.
Father Song came down from Xu Jiamu’s back. He held onto Song Xiangsi’s hand and walked slowly towards the tombstone. Struggling, he bent down to pull the weeds, but regardless of how much strength he exerted, he couldn’t seem to pull them out.
Xu Jiamu walked forward. He instructed Song Xiangsi to take care of Father Song before bending down to pull out the weeds.
The weeds were deeply rooted – the leaves large and high while the roots had grown deep into the soil. Xu Jiamu was drenched in sweat, and in the end, Song Xiangsi could no longer just look. She walked forward and grabbed his arm, signaling for him to rest before passing him a bottle of water.
Xu Jiamu took a large gulp and sat down beside Father Song for a while before heading towards Mother Song’s tomb again. After about an hour, he finished clearing the weeds.
Father Song struggled to stand, and with Song Xiangsi’s help, he walked towards Mother Song’s tomb. Reaching out, he caressed it, signaling for Xu Jiamu and Song Xiangsi to leave before he started to chat with his wife.
————————⸮ʘѠʘ?————————
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Only after 4pm did Father Song finally decide to head back.
After saying so much to Mother Song, he was unusually happy, his lips were curled upwards the entire journey back.
When they reached home, Father Song suddenly spoke. “Sisi, daddy wants to eat the chicken from Qiaoxi, can you get some for me?”
Xu Jiamu turned to look at Song Xiangsi. “Give me a moment, I’ll go with you.”
“Sisi can go alone, it isn’t far.” Father Song then said,, “Little Xu, accompany me at the park for a while.”
He stopped often, pointing out places, telling him more about Song Xiangsi.
“That tree.. should be about thirty to forty years old. When Sisi was young, she loved to play jump rope with the other children.”
“In the past… that man-made lake wasn’t there. When Sisi was younger, it was just a pit, she would play there with a bunch of boys. Every time she came back covered in mud, shed get a scolding from Mother Song.”
“Oh, that cypress forest should be over ten years as well. Back then, these cypress trees were just young seedlings,I never expected them to grow to such heights. Whenever Sisi was upset, she would cry inside this tiny forest.”
“Sisi has a tiny scar on her forehead. When she was young, she would often play with the kids in the neighborhood. There was once when she accidentally fell, hitting her head, causing that scar to form. But it’s barely visible now that she’s grown out her hair.”
After circling the entire park, Xu Jiamu carried him back home.
Even though Father Song was exhausted, he refused to rest. He pulled Xu Jiamu into his room and pointed towards an aged table, signaling for him to open a drawer.
Xu Jiamu went over and pulled it open, seeing inside a worn metal tin. Under Father Song’s instructions, he brought it over.
Father Song tapped the empty space beside him, waving him over. Xu Jiamu brought the tin over and pried it open, finding inside a huge stash of photos – some of them were black and white, some were colored , some looked worn, and some looked new. Amid the stash of photos were entertainment news that had been carefully cut out. They were all about Song Xiangsi.
Father Song’s wrinkled hands caressed the photos before finally pulling a black and white one out. “This is Sisi when she was a hundred days old. Look at her, she used to be so chubby, unlike now. She’s so thin I’m sure the wind can tumble her over.
“This is when she was one year old, her mother brought her to the photo studio in the city to take this photo. Look, wasn’t she already pretty then?
“This is when she was three… The first year of elementary school… This was the third year of elementary school when she won an award… This was with her grandparents… This was the first year of middle school… And this is her during high school. At that time, she was already popular among the boys and would often receive love letters… This was her during the second year of high school, this was also the year her mother passed away. That year, she barely smiled, hence the sour face in the photo.”
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“That year, her eyes were red almost every day, and at night, she would always cry by herself.
“That was also the year she grew up. In the past, when she dirtied her clothes, she would always get scolded by her mother, but her mother would still always be there to wash them for her. Once she left, there were several times I caught my girl washing her own clothes in the public tap nearby secretly… She was probably afraid to cause me trouble…
“Even though I admired her maturity, it made my heart ache.
“This is the photo she took after her high school exams for the university in Beijing. I personally sent her over there, look, there’s a photo of both of us at Tiananmen Square…”
Father Song sighed deeply. “This was the year I fell ill and needed a huge sum for surgery. At that time, I had some savings that I wanted to leave for Sisi, but in the end, she managed to get enough money for the surgery.
“At that time, we were very poor. Sisi quit school to become a sales attendant at a mall. Every month, she would earn three thousand dollars which she would spend on my medicines.”
Xu Jiamu frowned.
At that time, he was already with her, but after he had given her the fifty thousand dollars, she never asked him for another cent.
She was attending A college and sometimes, when she received calls from him, she would head over for the night, but would often leave early in the morning for lessons. Many times when he had scheduled a meeting with her, he would fetch her at the entrance of A college, hence he always assumed she was still attending A college, not knowing that she had quit school.
“Afterwards, she became an actress. There was once I visited her at set. The conditions were harsh, and it was winter at that time. She caught a cold and was running a high fever, but she still persisted on continuing with filming. It really broke my heart… There was also once when she seemed to have angered someone, enduring two slaps, her face was swollen and her clothes were tattered. She ran home and when she saw me, she just broke down…”
Father Song started to tear up. “At that time, she must have been devastated and helpless. She must have not been able to find anyone, so she came back, but I wasn’t capable enough to help her. She stayed at home for about half a month before returning back to set. Afterwards, she seemed to realize that coming back would worry me so she never complained about anything anymore, but I knew that she must have struggled during those few years. On hindsight, I was really a useless father..”
Xu Jiamu suddenly remembered how at the door of City Hospital he had asked her why she continued to film even when her feet was swollen. At that time, she had said that she had endured the pain all the time…
When he heard that, his heart broke, and now it hurt even more. It was as if someone had stabbed a dagger deep into his heart, sending a sharp piercing pain throughout him.
They had been together for eight years… She had been lying beside him for eight years… That was about three thousand nights, but he’d had no idea that she was in pain, had been beaten, that she was sick, upset, happy, or had quit school…
———————–ヽ(ⱺل͜ⱺ)ﾉ———————-
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Song Xiangsi had always been mild and placid in front of him. When he was hungry, she would get him food, when he was thirsty, she would pour him water, when he wanted to bath, she would help him run the water… She had never had any demands. Other than the gifts he got her, she never asked for anything else… She had never once shed a tear in front of him, acted playful, or even complained about pains that she’d had.
He had always thought that in the eight years that they had been together, he understood her, but only now did he realize how foreign she was to him.
The past few years, he kept wondering why she didn’t want his child, why she tried so hard to leave him, but he could never understand her intentions. It was only today that he realized that in those years, the first one to give up wasn’t her but him.
From the very beginning, he never once treated her well.
“Afterwards, Sisi started to get popular, there were times when she couldn’t come back to celebrate New Year’s with me.
“There was a year where she couldn’t come back on New Year’s Eve to receive an award, but when it struck midnight, she called. The background was silent and there was only her. At that time, I knew that she was outside, as I could hear the wind blowing.
“She sounded exuberant, telling me that she got the best female lead award and that she was paid a lot. She said that she could earn aplenty now and that she could let me enjoy my old age, she said many many things, but I could sense that she wasn’t happy.
“That night, we talked for a very long time before hanging up. Even though I didn’t expose her, I knew that she was definitely spending New Year’s Eve alone and that’s why she decided to call me.”
Xu Jiamu remained silent, but his eyes started to sting.
On the night Song Xiangsi received the award, he knew that she had called, but at that time, he was having fun with his friends so he didn’t hear when her call came in.
Only the next day did he finally return her call to ask her what was wrong. By then, she said it was nothing. When he asked her where she was, she said that she was back in her hometown.
He believed her, not thinking much of it.
But now, he knew that she had been alone in Beijing at that time.
She was probably feeling vulnerable without any support, and yet he wasn’t there to give it to her.
Yes, he never once offered her support, so why would she dare to depend on him?
Father Song looked through all the news about Song Xiangsi that he treasured. When he was finally done, he wiped the tears by his eyes before asking, “Is my Sisi pretty?”
Xu Jiamu nodded. “Very.”
“So, was her beauty the reason you picked her and was willing to give her the fifty thousand dollars?”
Xu Jiamu stilled, staring at Father Song in silence.
“You don’t have to hide it from me, I know that my daughter doesn’t have a boyfriend.” The guilt in his eyes was apparent. “Initially, she must have agreed to be with you for the surgery fee. I already knew it when she paid for the hospital bills. She’s my daughter, I know her well, I know when she’s lying. I could tell back then but chose not to expose her, for I knew that she must be feeling horrible inside and I didn’t want to be a burden to her. The reason I got her to get you is because I have something for you.”
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As father Song spoke, his fingers trembled, and he pulled out a bank card from under his pillow. Then he handed it to Xu Jiamu. “There’s ten million RMB on this card. It’s not Sisi’s money. It’s money I’ve saved up over the years from working. It’s for you.”
Xu Jiamu furrowed his brows, but didn’t take it.
Father Song shoved it into his hands. “When you become a father one day, you’ll understand why. A father would rather die than let his daughter suffer, so you must take this money. There’s no other reason tp do it. I just want to give it to my daughter. I want to earn back her dignity. If you respect my daughter, then you should take this money.”
Even though Father Song didn’t blame Xu Jiamu, but he still felt like he couldn’t hold his head up.
“You’ve known Sisi for eleven years now, right…” With that, Father Song’s tone of voice drifted away. “Eleven years isn’t a short amount of time. One doesn’t have many eleven years in a lifetime. The best years of a woman’s like were practically spent on you.”
When Xu Jiamu heard Father Song’s words, he curled up his hand, clutching the bank card he’d taken.
Father Song paused for a moment, then turned his head and smiled at Xu Jiamu. “Even though we’ve only known each other for three days, I can tell that you care about Sisi, otherwise you wouldn’t have come all the way here with her, and bothered to fuss around someone who’s about to die.
“The only reason why I sent Sisi away is because I have a request for you.” With this, Father Song hesitated for a slight moment. “No matter if Sisi is really with you or someone else, I hope that you can take care for her a little.
“I know that my request is a little much, but if she doesn’t get together with you, you really don’t have to look after her. However, I really am worried for her… When I’m gone, she won’t have any family at all. If she has to suffer, she won’t even have anywhere to cry. You don’t understand. My biggest regret in life is that I will never be able to see her go to a good family…
“At that thought, my heart aches… but besides you, I don’t know who I can say these things to. Take is as me begging you… Could you please promise that no matter if you and Sisi get together or not, if one day she is in pain, you will take good care of her for me. Be someone she can rely on…”
Without any hesitation, Xu Jiamu nodded. “I promise you. Don’t worry, I will definitely take good care of her.”
When Father Song heard him say this, he finally smiled in relief.
“We’ve been chatting for so long, I’m tired. I have to take a rest. Go check on Sisi and see what’s holding her up.”
Xu Jiamu nodded, and carefully helped Father Song back to bed. He pulled the thin covers over him and went out.
Father Song’s words rang in his mind. Thinking about it, he didn’t know why, but he thought back to what she whispered just before she took him into the patient’s room, “Could you please treat me a little better in front of my dad?”.
At the time, she quickly shook her head and denied she even said it, and just told him to just stay with her dad for a little while.
——————⸮ > ヮ < ?—————–
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
By that, did Song Xiangsi mean that she once hoped that he would treat her well?
But, he had never truly treated her well.
If at first, when they got together eight years ago, he had paid more attention to her and cared more, then would they would have never ended up like this?
Furthermore, if from the beginning he knew he was interested and filled with love at first sight, then would he have been so condescending as to pay her five million RMB to be with him without a title for so many years?
The bank card Father Song gave to him was stuck in his chest pocket, heavily pressing against his aching heart.
It was not until this day that he finally understood how to be a good man and how to be a good husband… Yet, she was already married to someone else, and didn’t need him to treat her well.
Xu Jiamu took a deep drag of his cigarette, but ended up coughing from the harshness. He couldn’t help but bend over and cough violently.
As he coughed, the rims of his eyes turned red.
When dinner was ready, she walked in to call Father Song out.
His mood and spirits were good, so his appetite was also good. He actually ate a whole chicken leg.
After dinner, Father Song went back into the room to get some rest, and called Song Xiangsi. The father daughter pair shut the door closed. Who knew what they were talking about, but Song Xiangsi didn’t leave the bedroom until it was past nine in the evening.
Seeing her walking out, Xu Jiamu, who was sitting on the sofa, immediately got up and made her a hot cup of milk.
Song Xiangsi quietly said, “Thank you”, and reached her arm out to take it.
When she finished drinking her milk, Xu Jiamu spoke again. “It’s getting late, you’d better get some rest.”
“Mmm.” Song Xiangsi gently nodded, and was about to walk into the kitchen to clean the cup in her hand, when, all of a sudden, Xu Jiamu reached his hand out and grabbed the cup from her hand. “I’ll wash the cup, you go take a shower.
“Thank you”.
Xu Jiamu didn’t say anything, but stared at Song Xiangsi for a while, before turning around and walking into the kitchen.
She stood on the spot. Her eyes were in a daze when she heard the sound of the water running.
She didn’t have a nightmare, but she suddenly woke up just like that. Air conditioner was on in the room, but she was drenched in sweat.
She tightly held onto the covers, and her breathing was unsteady. The blood in her body pulsed, and her heart was in a state of panic. Her whole body felt uncomfortable from head to toe.
She stayed in a daze with furrowed brows for a while, then had a faint feeling of something happened. She suddenly threw the covers off of herself, got out of bed, and sprinted out.
In the living room, Xu Jiamu’s eyes shot wide open when he heard her. Under the light from the windows, he saw her silhouette going by him. He swiftly cried out, “Xiangsi?”
He then got up and turned the lights on beside him. At that time, he saw her push open Father Song’s door and barge in.
Xu Jiamu quickly caught up. Just as he reached the door, he saw Song Xiangsi, shivering, lightly touch under Father Song’s nose. All of a sudden, she fell to the ground and wailed.
——————⸮ > ヮ < ?—————–
Translator: Paperplane Editor: DarkGem
Xu Jiamu was stunned at first, but then he realized what was happening… and instantly wasn’t sleepy anymore.
His legs were a little weak, as he stared at Song Xiangsi crying with her trembling body for a long time. Only after a time did he force himself to walk steadily over to her side.
Father Song lay poised with both hands intertwined on his stomach, and he had a serene expression on his face. With his lips shut tight and a faint smile, he looked like he was having a great dream.
Xu Jiamu reached over and gently touched Father Song’s hand. It was ice cold to the touch. His fingertips shivered for a moment, then he turned his head over to Song Xiangsi. He felt a cutting pain in his heart, as he watched her cry despairingly. He summoned the strength in himself to press onto her shoulder, and say a few weak words of comfort. “Sisi, don’t be too sad.”
Song Xiangsi’s tears continued to fall on their own accord, as though she hadn’t heard a word.
She knew that death was only natural, and that her dad didn’t have many days left, but she never imagined that he would pass away so suddenly. It was difficult for her to accept.
She was hoping to bring him back to Beijing in a few days’ time to see Little Red Bean. She wanted to tell him that he had a granddaughter and hoped that once he saw the little girl, he would feel better and live a little longer. A few hours ago, he had just been holding her hand and telling her about the past. He looked like he was in high spirits, and his words didn’t seem to be as sluggish as before. So… how could he just die?
The more she thought about it, the fiercer she cried.
Xu Jiamu slowly knelt down and pulled her into his arms. Soon after, his shirt was soaked through.
–
For the next few days, Song Xiangsi couldn’t quite come to terms with her father’s passing. She had her head in the clouds, and she barely left an inch from his photo.
So, Xu Jiamu practically made the funeral preparations for Father Song.
On the day of the funeral, all of Father Song’s friends were in attendance.
Song Xiangsi seemed to be out of it, so Xu Jiamu took care of everything.
Father Song was buried next to Mother Song’s grave. It was raining heavily on the day of the funeral. As the coffin lowered, Song Xiangsi knelt on the ground and let out a heart-wrenching cry. Xu Jiamu stood over her with an umbrella.
The umbrella was mostly over Song Xiangsi’s body, so Xu Jiamu himself was absolutely drenched.
At three in the afternoon, all the attendees left one after the other. The house was only left with Xu Jiamu and Song Xiangsi.
In the past three days, Song Xiangsi had barely eaten and looked visibly thinner. Xu Jiamu cooked some congee in the kitchen, and carried a bowl to the bedroom.
Song Xiangsi lay still in bed with her back turned to him. He placed the bowl down on the table beside her, and carried her right out of bed. Just as he tried to feed her the congee, she suddenly swung her arms and splattered the scalding hot congee away. It fell on Xu Jiamu’s hand, causing his fingers to instantly burn red.
Song Xiangsi paused for a moment, and eventually turned her head in silence.
Xu Jiamu was extremely well mannered. He wasn’t the least bit annoyed. He merely bent down, tidied up her mess, and walked out the bedroom.
Not long after, he brought over another bowl of congee.
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Song Xiangsi still didn’t eat.
Perhaps Xu Jiamu was pestering her too much, because she got out of the bed and silently walked into Father Song’s room and locked it.
He knocked for a really long time, but couldn’t convince her to open the door. In the end, he started to search the whole place for another key.
When he finally found one, he opened the door to see Song Xiangsi on the ground, folding Father Song’s clothes.
Xu Jiamu didn’t say anything to disturb her. He softly walked over to her side, quietly crouched down and joined her in folding the clothes.
Song Xiangsi lifted her eyes, but only shot him a quick glance, as though she thinking to say something to persuade him to leave. But then, she saw the swollen red back of his hand, and sealed her lips, as well as lowered her eyes. She silently continued to fold the clothes.
In Father Song’s wardrobe, Song Xiangsi found an old tattered cardboard box. It was so heavy, she couldn’t pick it up. Eventually, Xu Jiamu had to go over and help her carry it.
When she opened the cardboard box, there was a bunch of photos inside of her from kindergarten till she graduated on her third year of high school. There were also all different kinds of textbooks, notebooks, sketchbooks, and awards… As she looked at all these things, her tears came crashing down again.
The only person she could rely on and the person who loved her the most in this world was gone. From here on out, she could only truly rely on herself.
At night, Song Xiangsi slept in Father Song’s room, and Xu Jiamu slept in her room.
At almost eleven o’clock, a storm erupted, with thunder. Xu Jiamu, who had just fallen asleep, woke up in shock.
He thought back to what Father Song had said that afternoon before he passed away. He told him that though Sisi may look like a strong woman, at her very bones, she was actually really fragile. She feared thunder at night the most.
Xu Jiamu abruptly sat up, removed the covers and got out of bed. She hurriedly headed for Father Song’s bedroom, and pushed it open to find an empty bed. Song Xiangsi was nowhere in sight.
Startled, he quickly ran inside to check the room. He couldn’t find her, so he then pulled out his phone and called her. Eventually, he heard the sound of her phone ringing in the bedroom.
He didn’t even stop to change his clothes, as he ran outside in his pajamas.
The rain poured down. Drenched, he jumped into his car. The first thing on his mind was to go find Father Song’s grave. In the end, he didn’t see Song Xiangsi there, and relentlessly rushed back. Just as he was ready to go upstairs to see if Song Xiangsi had come back home yet, he suddenly realized something. Then, he rushed over to the park in the Baishulin district.
The rain hadn’t stopped, and it was growing heavier. Light from the street lights became thin, making it hard for people to see.
Xu Jiamu used the torch app on his phone and circled the district. Eventually, he saw a person in the far corner, crouched down with their head in between their knees.
From the person’s pajamas, he could tell it was Song Xiangsi.
He let out a long sigh of relief, and his racing heart fell back to it’s original position. With that, he drew closer, and heard the sound of Song Xiangsi’s cries among the rain and thunder.
——————(ง ✧ ╭͜ʖ✧ ✧ )ง—————–
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Xu Jiamu felt a dull pain creep into his heart. His footsteps gradually stopped for a moment, then slowly he walked in front of Song Xiangsi.
When she heard something, she lifted her head to reveal her puzzled, and swollen from crying, eyes. She wondered how Xu Jiamu could of possibly found her.
He didn’t say a word, but reached his arm out and grabbed her hand. He dragged her hard up from the ground and into his arm, and embraced her deeply, whispering, “Go on, cry.”
As he said this, he hugged her tighter. “If you want to cry in my arms, I’m here for you.”
Song Xiangsi had been crying on her own for two hours. Her tears were long dried out, but after she heard Xu Jiamu’s words whilst in his arms, the rims of her eyes grew wet again. Her tears fell like strings of pearls, and never stopped like an ever-flowing river. In the end, she finally cried out loud.
The pouring rain grew heavier, and the sound of the wind, rain, thunder, and Song Xiangsi’s cries could be heard by all.
From start to end, Xu Jiamu didn’t say anything unnecessary, but chose to quietly hug her.
He remembered that years back, that night when his mother passed away, she also quietly stayed by his side.
That night, her presence eased his pained heart quite a bit.
Now, it was his turn to be there for her.
After a long while, Song Xiangsi stopped crying. Xu Jiamu wasn’t in a hurry to pull her out of his embrace, so he stayed there, nestling her quietly for over ten whole minutes. Then, he gently lowered his head and raised his hands to wipe the tears from her face. He held her hands in silence, and walked out of the forest.
The usual arrogant queen, Song Xiangsi, was as obedient as ever. Without being obstinate or struggling, she let Xu Jiamu bring her along. She blindly followed behind him.
Back home, Xu Jiamu ran some hot water for Song Xiangsi to take a shower, then went over to the kitchen to cook some ginger soup.
Song Xiangsi, who hadn’t eaten for a whole day, softly slurped it without fighting back
She soon finished her ginger soup, and then Xu Jiamu asked, “Do you want to eat something?”
She gave a light nod.
Xu Jiamu immediately smiled. “What do you want to eat?”
“Sweet and sour fish…” When Song Xiangsi said this, she contemplated it for a while and wanted to change her mind, but Xu Jiamu immediately nodded like he’d heard the peaceful sound of nature and said, “Alright, I’ll cook it for you.”
Song Xiangsi sat in the living room, and stared at Xu Jiamu in a trance, as he rushed back and forth in his rain soaked clothes.
From start to finish, Song Xiangsi silently ate the fish with her head down. When he picked up his chopsticks and picked out the fish bones from her bowl, she finally looked up at him and said, “Go take a shower.”
“Alright.” Xu Jiamu gave a nod, stared at Song Xiangsi sitting in front of him for a moment as she ate her fish, then, got up and walked into the bathroom.
When Xu Jiamu came out of the shower, Song Xiangsi wasn’t in the living room anymore. There was still over half a fish on the table and a pair of chopsticks thrown awry.
——————(ง ✧ ╭͜ʖ✧ ✧ )ง—————–
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Xu Jiamu figured that Song Xiangsi had ran out on her own again, so he rushed over to Father Song’s room, and pushed open the door.
Song Xiangsi jumped in fright from the sudden entrance. As she abruptly sat up, she looked at him and asked, a little puzzled, “What’s wrong?”
Xu Jiamu let out a sigh of relief. “Nothing.”
Then he closed the door and quickly tidied up the dining table.
When he went back into Song Xiangsi’s room, a deafening roar of thunder came through the windows. He paused for a moment in the living room, then eventually turned to Father Song’s bedroom. He pushed open the door and saw Song Xiangsi shivering, curled up in bed.
He felt a sharp pain at the bottom of his heart. He closed the doors and walked swiftly over to her bedside. “Xiangsi?”
Xu Jiamu called her name a few times, before she popped her head out from under the covers. She looked over at him for a few seconds, before her lifted head gently moved. “Stay with me for while, okay?”
Xu Jiamu felt even more hurt. Without thinking about it, he nodded, and said just one word, “Alright.”
Song Xiangsi hadn’t been able to rest well previously, but now—maybe because of Xu Jiamu—she quickly fell asleep.
The next day, she woke up to a bright sunny day and beautiful clear skies, without a single trace of bad weather.
Song Xiangsi had slept well and for a long time, before she sluggishly turned around and climbed out of bed. That’s when she saw Xu Jiamu up against the wall, sleeping next to the wardrobe.
That’s when she remembered everything that had happened last night.
In truth, she never liked appearing weak in front of other people. Yesterday was her father’s funeral, and so she was incredibly devastated, which was why she said those things. She thought that he would leave after she fell asleep, never imagining that he’d sit there guarding throughout the night like that.
Xu Jiamu looked pale white, and his eyelids were dark.
Recently, he had been far more exhausted than she. He had done everything after her father passed away by himself. No matter how exhausted he was, she never saw a hint of annoyance on his face or heard a single complaint from his mouth.
Perhaps it was because Xu Jiamu was now asleep, Song Xiangsi could take a good look at him for the first time after they were reunited.
His profile was just as handsome as before. There wasn’t any change there, but he did emulate a feeling of maturity and stability.
He looked really exhausted. These past feel days must’ve taken their toll on him.
Song Xiangsi couldn’t help but move to caress Xu Jiamu’s furrowed brows. Just when her fingertips touched his skin, his phone suddenly rang.
Song Xiangsi’s fingers trembled, before she hurriedly pulled them back. She looked over towards the sound of the phone on the shelf near the bedhead. The screen shone with the word: Sisi.
Sisi… it had the same two syllables as her nickname.
Was it that woman, Yang Sisi calling?
Song Xiangsi lowered her eyes, swiftly turned her head, stood up, and walked out of the room. When she closed the door, she heard Xu Jiamu from inside the bedroom. He woke up from the sound of the ringtone and groggily picked up the phone. “Hello? What’s wrong?”
“Mmm. … I’m not in Beijing, I’m in the suburbs. … I don’t know when I’ll be back… Okay. … A little sleepy. Mmm. Okay. Bye bye. See you back in Beijing.”
——————(ง ✧ ╭͜ʖ✧ ✧ )ง—————–
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Xu Jiamu and Song Xiangsi returned to Beijing seven days after Father Song’s passing.
They had an early flight that day, and arrived at Beijing at one in the afternoon.
Xu Jiamu’s car was parked at Beijing Airport, so he drove Song Xiangsi back to Su Yuan apartments.
On their way there, the roads were clear, and they reached their destination in no less than forty minutes.
Before they got out of the car, Song Xiangsi turned her head and shot Xu Jiamu a rare gentle smile. Even the words from her mouth sounded sweet and gentle. “Jiamu, thank you for your time.”
He unlocked the car door and smiled back at her. He stared at her for a while, then said, “If anything happens, you can contact me at any time. My phone number hasn’t changed.”
After a pause, he also added, “Do you still remember my phone number? If you can’t remember…”
Xu Jiamu searched around in car, then pulled out a business card, and handed it to Song Xiangsi. “This has all my contact details on it.”
Song Xiangsi didn’t reach out to take it, but continued to smile at Xu Jiamu.
He blinked twice at her, then looked down at his own business card. After a while, he added, “Xiangsi, I promised your father that I’d take good care of you. Keep my contact details. If there’s anything you need, anytime…”
“Jiamu,” she interrupted suddenly. “I called the director. We’ll continue shooting the commercial tomorrow.”
“Didn’t I say? Take a few days off when we get back to Beijing. There’s no hurry…” Xu Jiamu furrowed his brows.
“Jiamu,” Song Xiangsi interrupted him again. “Jiamu, the commercial will be finished in about a week. Next Wednesday I have to go back to America..”
Xu Jiamu stared at her expression, suddenly stunned. After a long while, he finally asked, “Back to America?”
“Yeah,” she softly replied, then didn’t say anything.
This time, she came back just for her father’s illness. Now that he had passed away, she should be going.
She was really thankful to him being here for her, helping her, and taking care of her all this time, but they had broken up after all.
It was silent in the car. Xu Jiamu didn’t say a word for a long time now, so Song Xiangsi spoke again. “If there’s nothing else, I’ll be off.”
Xu Jiamu stared straight ahead at the road, as though he may or may not have heard what she said. Then gave a gentle nod.
“Goodbye.” Song Xiangsi pushed open the door and got out the car. She closed the door behind her, turned around, and went into the Su Yuan residential district.
Xu Jiamu stayed in the car without moving a muscle. His hand trembled violently, as he clutched onto his business card.
Work was hectic for four days straight, before he could finally finish it all. It was the weekend, and yet eighty percent of his time was taken from him.
When things get busy, you deliberately stop thinking about unrelated stuff and feeling sad, but when you’re free, the more you think about it, the more crushed you feel. To find something to do, Xu Jiamu went to meet up with a client in the evening. He was at Xiangyuan seafood stall when he bumped into Song Xiangsi, who he hadn’t seen for a few days.
——————(ง ✧ ╭͜ʖ✧ ✧ )ง—————–
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Whilst Little Red Bean was eating, she grabbed for the soy sauce, and got her hand all dirty. Song Xiangsi carried her to the restroom to wash her hands.
Little Red Bean was really happy when she saw water. As she splashed the running water from the taps, she clapped and clapped, causing the water to spray everywhere. When some sprayed onto Song Xiangsi’s face, she said with a serious voice, “Red Bean, stop it! Mommy’s going to get mad!”
Her words didn’t scare Little Red Bean at all. She grinned from ear to ear and played around even more cheerfully. Song Xiangsi simply put the girl on the sink, and pretended to turn around to leave, due to which Little Red Bean gaped in fear. She pitifully cried, “Mommy, I was wrong!”
“So are you going to properly wash your hands?” Song Xiangsi opened both hands in front of Little Red Bean, and stood still on the spot.
“Yeah.” Little Red Bean nodded like a chick pecking for rice.
Then Song Xiangsi walked up to her, brought her up, and helped her to carefully wash her hands. As she grabbed some tissues to dry Little Red Bean’s hands, she heard a voice next to her. “Xiangsi.”
When she heard Xu Jiamu’s voice, she was stunned for a while, then turned her head to find him standing calmly nearby.
With her big black eyes, Little Red Bean stared at him without blinking, as he looked a little familiar.
Xu Jiamu’s heart melted a little when he saw the little girl. He walked over and asked her in a soft voice, “Little Red Bean, do you still remember uncle?”
The little girl shook her head, then sweetly cried “Uncle” with curved brows.
Actually, Xu Jiamu had only met her once, but seeing her again, he realized he felt just as shaken up as the first time they met. He couldn’t help but reach his arms out towards the girl. “Can uncle get a hug?”
Little Red Bean didn’t reject Xu Jiamu. She took a quick glance at Song Xiangsi first, then seeing that her mum didn’t shoot her a strange look, she turned her head and said “Ok” in a crisp voice, and rushed in his arms.
Xu Jiamu lifted Little Red Bean up. She was just as little and soft as before, quickly melting his heart.
He stared at Little Red Bean’s little face about a foot away from his own. The more he stared, the more familiar she looked. He thought about it for a moment, then turned to Song Xiangsi next to him and said, “Little Red Bean has been with you for so long now, she’s starting to look a little like you.”
“Really?” asked Song Xiangsi jokingly in return. Her eyes never left Xu Jiamu and Little Red Bean’s faces.
If you counted it, this was the second time the two of them, father and daughter, had met. When she used to look after Little Bean on her own, she thought that she looked like Xu Jiamu. But now, that she compared them side by side, she realized that Little Red Bean’s nose really looked extremely similar to his.
Song Xiangsi wasn’t in a hurry to carry Little Red Bean away, so she just stood aside and watched as Xu Jiamu kept on teasing the little girl. Perhaps it was because they were related by blood, Little Red Bean, who was always shy around strangers, seemed to be especially friendly with him, as she smiled with her eyes in his arms.
Xu Jiamu was very good at holding children. Little Red Bean wiggled around in his arms, and yet he was able to easily take care of her.
After all, they were biological father and daughter. The picture of them together looked absolutely perfect. It looked far more comfortable than when Jiang Licheng held Little Red Bean.
——————(ง ✧ ╭͜ʖ✧ ✧ )ง—————–
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
After about ten minutes, Xu Jiamu finally diverted his attention from Little Red Bean to Song Xiangsi, and asked her, “You leave the day after tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah.” Song Xiangsi shot a smile, and then reached her hand out at Little Red Bean.
“What time is your flight?” he asked again.
Little Red Bean wasn’t in a hurry to jump back into Song Xiangsi’s arms. Instead, she turned her head and gave Xu Jiamu a sweet peck on the cheek. His heart raced and his body tensed up at the girl’s sudden action.
With that, Little Red Bean turned around, and stretched towards Song Xiangsi.
She picked her daughter up. “Three in the afternoon.”
“So it’ll be about five in the afternoon when you reach America.”
Song Xiangsi let out a “Yeah”. After a while, she spoke again. “Red Bean and I should head back to our room now.”
“Alright.”
“Goodbye then.”
“Bye.”
Song Xiangsi lowered her head, and said to Little Red Bean in her arms. “Say goodbye to uncle.”
Little Red Bean obediently waved her chubby little hand at Xu Jiamu. “Bye bye, uncle.”
“Bye.” Xu Jiamu wore a warm smile on his face.
Just when Song Xiangsi silently carried Little Red Bean, turned around, and walked out of the restroom, he suddenly called her name. “Xiangsi.”
Song Xiangsi halted. She had her back turned to him for a while, before she turned around and let out a single sound, “Mm?”
“I put my card in Little Red Bean’s pocket. If you’re tired or unhappy abroad, you can call me anytime. I’ll take you back here.”
Song Xiangsi opened her mouth, but in the end, she didn’t say a word. She turned around, and left with the girl in her arms.
Xu Jiamu stared at the retreating back, as his vision became blurred.
The furthest distance in the world isn’t the distance between you and me, standing there unknowing that I love you. It’s the distance between how I want to treat you and how you don’t need it anymore.
The most painful separation in the world isn’t when we both love each other yet miss the chance to be together. It’s the pain of you not physically being by my side, yet still residing in my heart.
He only remembered that when he stumbled out of the car, someone threw themselves into his arms. They creased their nose, and said pitifully, “Jiamu, I’ve waited so long for you. Why are you back so late?”
That voice sounded familiar, but no matter how long he thought about it, he couldn’t figure out whose voice it was.
He tried hard to lift his eyes and stare at the person in his arms. After staring for a long while, all he could see was the image of Song Xiangsi’s face swaying in front of him. He pushed the person away, and staggered over to his front door. He entered the passcode a few times incorrectly.
“Jiamu, tell me the passcode, so I can help you open the door.” Yang Sisi walked up and reached her hand out to support the staggering Xu Jiamu.
“0513,” he told her the four digits.
After the door opened, Yang Sisi held him up and walked into the villa. She carried him all the way upstairs and into the bedroom.
She used all her strength to put him onto the bed. Then, she went back downstairs to pour a cup of hot water for him. When she came back, she heard him vomiting without end in the bathroom.
Yang Sisi hurriedly put the cup down, and walked into the bathroom. She crouched down next to Xu Jiamu and patted his back. When his vomiting had calmed down a little, she handed him a cup of water to rinse his mouth.
——————(ง ✧ ╭͜ʖ✧ ✧ )ง—————–
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Xu Jiamu gurgled and returned the cup back to Yang Sisi, while stumbling out of the bathroom.
When she caught up with him, he was already lying on the bed. She held up the blanket, but just as she was going to tuck him in, she heard him murmuring, “Sisi… Where can I find another you?
“Sisi.. Don’t go, stay..
“Sisi… You promised to stay with me, don’t leave me…
“Sisi…Sisi…”
Yang Sisi tightened her grip on the blanket.
Even though he was calling her name, Sisi, why did it seem as though it wasn’t her he was calling?
He was still dressed in the same set of clothes from the day before, but now it was crumpled and reeked of alcohol and cigarettes.
He frowned, entering the bathroom to take a shower. When he came down to find food, he saw Yang Sisi setting out the plates in the dinning area.
Xu Jiamu stilled, slowly remembering that Yang Sisi was at the door when he came back the night before.
“You’re awake? Come have some food.” She smiled at him brightly.
Xu Jiamu entered the dinning area silently, pulling a chair for himself.
The television in the dinning area was airing a variety show about historical poems. Yang Sisi waited a while, but when Xu Jiamu continued to sit in silence, she couldn’t help asking. “Jiamu, what’s your favorite poem?”
Xu Jiamu chewed on his food slowly. When he swallowed it, he replied, “Xiangsi.”
“Huh?” Yang Sisi stilled.
“Red berries grow in the South, when Spring comes, I hope that my love would bring more branches, for it is a symbol of love.” Xu Jiamu hated poetry and literature, the only poems that he knew were the ones he was forced to learn in elementary school and “Xiangsi”.
Yang Sisi smiled. “I like that poem from Wang Wei too.”
Xu Jiamu continued his meal in silence.
Yang Sisi remained in the kitchen, clearing up and brewing coffee. When she brought the coffee up, Xu Jiamu was still on the phone while he typed on his laptop.
She placed the coffee on the table, but instead of leaving, she stared at him for a while before catching sight of his signature on a document. It was flashy but elegant at the same time.
“I’m writing my name.” She raised the white paper. “When I saw your elegant signature, I decided to practice mine as well, but I can’t seem to make it look good. Could you help me design one to make it look better?”
Xu Jiamu nodded, agreeing to her request.
Yang Sisi stood up, bringing the paper and pen over to the table.
He picked up the pen and started to write on the paper. After writing “Yang Sisi” several times, he still couldn’t find a way to make it look good.
As he wrote, she suddenly spoke up. “Jiamu, I’m not called Song Xiangsi.”
——————(ง ✧ ╭͜ʖ✧ ✧ )ง—————–
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Xu Jiamu’s fingers trembled, a curved line forming on the paper. He sat down blankly, and after a long while, he glanced at the paper, his gaze changing.
Xiangsi, Xiangsi.
Song Xiangsi.
The entire paper was filled with names, but none was Yang Sisi. They were all different variations of “Song Xiangsi”.
Xu Jiamu stared at the paper, his fingers trembling.
Yang Sisi stared at him with a steady gaze, the room engulfed in silence. After about five minutes, she seemed to have thought of something. She typed the name in a search engine and found the birthday on wikipedia.
She was right… 3rd of May… 0513… Xu Jiamu used Song Xiangsi’s birthday as the passcode for the mansion.
Yang Sisi lowered her eyes, her gaze falling on his phone. Without asking for permission, she reached over and grabbed his phone, keying in the numbers “0513” for the passcode. Just as expected, it unlocked.
She shut her eyes and walked over to his side to key in the numbers into his laptop’s passcode. Similarly, it went straight to the desktop.
At that instant, she understood everything.
That was why there was always something off with their interactions.
He treated her well – he was patient, he would indulge in her demands, and give the illusion that he loved her, but whenever they walked on the streets, he would never hold her hand, bring her out, or show affectionate behavior.
And whenever she took the initiative, he would avoid her.
At those time, she had always wondered if she was really in his heart, but his impeccable care would chase away her doubts. She would just convince herself then that he was slow in showing affection and that she should be patient.
Only now did she realize that it wasn’t about him, but rather the fact that she was the wrong person.
Yang Sisi glanced at him. His features were as ravishing as ever, but he now looked like someone distant, a person she did not know.
She took a deep breath before asking, “Jiamu, you have someone you like, don’t you?”
Xu Jiamu was still. When he heard her question, he blinked. Placing the pen in his hand down slowly, he turned to look at her. Instead of replying to her question, he apologized. “I’m sorry.”
Yang Sisi suddenly remembered. Back then, that night when they met, Xu Jiamu had been cold towards her, but the moment she told him her name, his attitude changed. He started to chat with her and had even sent her home afterwards.
“You only sent me back that night and asked for my contact because I’m called Sisi, isn’t it?”
She couldn’t help laughing. She tossed her head back while forcing her tears not to fall. “So… all this while, when you called me Sisi, you’ve always been thinking of someone else… All this while, I was just a substitute, right?”
——————(ง ✧ ╭͜ʖ✧ ✧ )ง—————–
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
“No,” Xu Jiamu replied calmly. He paused for about five seconds before adding, “Do you remember what you said on the first night we met?
“You said that I looked like someone with a story.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “If you consider someone that hurt a woman for eight years a person with a story, I could be considered one.”
He stood up and grabbed the phone and car keys on the table. “Haven’t you always wanted to hear my story? Let’s go, I’ll let you take a look at it.”
Yang Sisi was clearly startled but she didn’t speak, she knew that he was going to continue.
“This is my child, the child that left this world before I could find out the gender,” he said after a long pause. He stared at the tomb with tenderness, but his entire body seemed to be emitting sorrow and pain.
“Is this your and Song Xiangsi’s child?” This was the first time she had mentioned her name.
“Yes,” Xu Jiamu admitted without hesitation.
Yang Sisi then asked again, “Did it die in the womb?”
“It wasn’t a miscarriage,” Xu Jiamu replied casually, but inside, sorrow engulfed his soul. He reached out and caressed the tomb softly, with tenderness. Turning over to face her, he said, “She aborted the child.”
Once again, Yang Sisi was startled by his words.
He had never spoken about this story, it was buried deep in his heart. Now that he spoke about it, it seemed more like he was trying to calm his soul than share it with her.
“Before she aborted the child, we had been together for eight years.
“When we met, she was still in college, it was before she became an actress, before she became famous. Back then, she was still just a simple, pretty young girl.
“Ever since I was young, I knew that I was going to have a corporate wedding. I also knew that I would never be with a girl of humble beginnings so I never dated anyone.
“We didn’t date, to put it specifically, during those eight years, we were never lovers.
“I bought her for fifty thousand dollars, it was all a transaction. I thought that we’ll separate easily without any kind of complications.
“But who would have expected such a relationship to last for seven years.
“On the seventh year, she wanted to break up.
“How should I put it, during the years that we were together, she had always been obedient and that was probably the first time she had defied me. I was furious, but at that time, I couldn’t understand my anger, I thought that it was because of my pride.
“So when she wanted to break up, I told her ‘Fine, like I care.’ ”
——————(ง ✧ ╭͜ʖ✧ ✧ )ง—————–
Translator: Kingbao Editor: DarkGem
“I thought I would have the upper hand at that time, I assumed that she would chase after me if I left, but she didn’t. I waited at the door for a very long time, and in the end, I left in anger. By the time I reached my car downstairs, I was furious, which led to a car accident…
“I was in a coma for about seven months. When I finally woke up, the first thing I did was check my phone, but there wasn’t anything from her.
“My life or death had nothing to do with her.
“When I was discharged, I bumped into her but it ended badly.
“Only later, because of family problems, did we get back together.
“That was probably the darkest moment of my life, but during that time, she stayed by my side silently.
“The past few years, I’ve always been thinking, if it wasn’t for her, how would I have endured that harsh period?
“Do you know? Ever since that period, I didn’t want a corporate marriage or to become the best in the industry, I just wanted to marry her, to live my life simply. I had even gotten a ring for her to propose, but all she gave me in return was the abortion letter.”
Xu Jiamu told all the minor details of his relationship with Song Xiangsi. Yang Sisi remained silent, never once interrupting him. She gazed at him steadily, taking in his loneliness, pain and sorrow… At this moment, she realized that behind his warm smile was so much pent up emotion.
“Our story ended at that time, we separated for three years, neither of us approaching or contacting the other. It was a time of zero interactions.
“From the story, it seems like she’s the heartless one, right?” Xu Jiamu chuckled. “That was what I thought all this while, I saw her as cold-blooded and heartless. When we accidentally bumped into each other in Beijing afterwards, her nonchalance thoroughly broke my heart.
“At that time, I felt as though she didn’t have a heart and that I shouldn’t waste my emotions on her.
“I was devastated.
“I wanted to marry, to be with a simple girl, to have a child, and to live my life peacefully.”
Yang Sisi seemed to have understood everything. “Was that why you asked for my number that night?”
Xu Jiamu nodded. “I admit that it was your name that made me want to interact with you, but I never treated you as a substitute, because… my subconsciousness kept reminding me that you weren’t her… I wasn’t able to hold your hand, kiss, or do any other act of affection…
“But, I was really hoping to spend the rest of my life with you.
“At that time, I struggled to change the influence she had on my life. I stopped wearing blue suits, stopped eating from the mushroom place, stopped eating her favorite cake… I struggled to adapt to your lifestyle, to remember your likes…
“I really wanted to let you into my life, but… I realized that I couldn’t.”
Xu Jiamu pressed onto his chest softly, smiling helplessly. “Because over here it’s filled up, and there’s no more space for anyone else.”
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
“A while back, I accompanied her back to her hometown, ever since then, it became harder for me to accept you.”
Yang Sisi widened her mouth. “You… Previously, when you weren’t in Beijing, it’s because you went to her hometown?”
“Yes.”
“So that night when you canceled dinner all of a sudden, it was because of her?”
“Mmh.” Xu Jiamu knew that his honesty was hurtful, but he wasn’t willing to deceive her. From the moment he had asked for her number, he had already hurt her. The only thing he could do now was to be truthful, it was the only form of respect he could offer.
“When you called me and agreed to meet in Beijng, it was to break up with me?”
“Yes.” Xu Jiamu nodded lightly.
Yang Sisi couldn’t suppress her tears. “Didn’t you end things with her? Weren’t you prepared for a new life? What changed your mind? Did things work out between the two of you?”
“No.” Xu Jiamu shook his head, the scene of Father Song at his deathbed flashing past his mind. His gaze turned glazed. “It was because I realized that after so many years, the first one who inflicted harm wasn’t her but me.”
Yang Sisi blinked her tear-stained eyes, looking up at him wordlessly, waiting for him to continue.
“She was with me for eight years, from when she was nineteen to twenty-seven. It was the most beautiful period of her life, and during those eight years I didn’t know when she fell ill, I didn’t know when she quit school, when she was injured, when she was bullied, when she spent her New Year’s alone, when she called from loneliness….
“Eight years, three thousand nights and I didn’t know anything about her.
“The most hurtful thing wasn’t my harsh words or the child that was aborted, but the negligence.
“And I had neglected her for eight years.
“She gave me eight years worth of time and opportunities, waiting for the day I would cherish her, but never once was she rewarded.
“During those eight years, I didn’t give her any care, warmth, or the slightest bit of happiness…
“Can you imagine something? I helped you carry your bag, grabbed onto your shoulder to protect you from traffic, shielded you in my embrace when it was crowded, gave you a hot cup of ginger tea when you were on your period, endured the scorching heat to get you the drink you wanted, bought you whatever you desired… But imagine, I’ve never done any of these in the eight years I was together with her.
“Everything I’m now is all because of her.
“If it wasn’t for her, I would never be the sensitive Xu Jiamu I’m now.
“She used eight precious years to change me…” Xu Jiamu’s eyes turned red. “How can I use the things she taught me on another women?
“So…” Xu Jiamu’s voice weakened. “I’m really sorry, I really can’t continue this…”
Because… She made me better, so I can only use everything I learned for her.
Yang Sisi stared at him for a long while in silence.
—————-(∩ > ヮ < )⊃━☆ﾟ.*————-
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Honestly, when Yang Sisi saw Xu Jiamu write “Song Xiangsi” on the paper, she had wanted to break down.
She didn’t dare to say how much she loved him, or rather, that no woman would be able to be unmoved by such a remarkable guy.
Hence, when she saw the different styles of “Song Xiangsi” on the paper, it deeply cut into her heart.
When she knew all of his passcodes were Song Xiangsi’s birthday, she was furious.
She was infuriated for being a substitute.
But after she heard his story, all the anger gradually dissipated.
She wasn’t moved by their story, she knew ones that were more moving, just like Lu Jinnian and Qiao Anhao’s, the shy crush from youth developing into a deep love that emitted bliss and warmth.
She was moved by his honesty, however. Even though his words were hurtful, they were better than a sugar coated lie. Besides, he didn’t humiliate her like how rich people did – giving her money, a house, or cars.
Even though he hurt her, he was still able to give her respect.
Was she sad? A little.
But Yang Sisi blinked, then broke into a faint smile. She took a deep breath, struggling to keep the mood light. “Jiamu, even though I’m a little sad and disappointed that we can’t be together, I’m glad that you didn’t just use a random excuse to brush me off but rather explained the situation honestly.
“Wasn’t there a saying ‘easy come easy go’? Before we part, can we have one last meal together?”
After they ate, it was already 3pm. Once they came out of the club, he asked, “Where are you going? I’ll drive.”
“It’s fine.” Yang Sisi laughed.
Xu Jiamu didn’t force her, hailing a cab for her. Just before she entered it, she asked, “Have you considered getting back with Song Xiangsi? Isn’t it a pity to just let her go?”
He chuckled warmly before his lips curled into a faint smile. “She’s going back to America tomorrow.”
There wasn’t much emotion on his face, but Yang Sisi caught a glimpse of sorrow in his lowered eyes.
“You already rejected me, why not get her back?”
After a moment of silence, he replied hoarsely, “…She’s married.”
So, even though he knew he could no longer be with her, he still wasn’t willing to find someone else to live out the rest of his life?
He was just thirty, a long way from death, to live alone for such a long journey… Just the thought brought a wave of heartache.
“What do you intend to do in the future?”
Xu Jiamu lifted his head to glance up at the sky.
Even he himself didn’t know what he planned to do…
What’s weird was that she only knew him for a month, why would she be so upset?
—————-(∩ > ヮ < )⊃━☆ﾟ.*————-
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
How deep did her feelings had to be that she would feel such an immense pain in her heart?
Tears streamed down Yang Sisi’s face, and in the end, she started to sob.
The cab driver sped on under the blazing sun. Through the rear mirror, he caught sight of her, and passed a tissue over. “Broke up?”
“Mmh. Yea, I broke up.”
“Waaa,” she sobbed out loud. As she cried, she rambled to the driver, “He was the one who hurt me, but somehow I don’t fault him at all, my heart is even aching for him.
“I’m no Mother Theresa, when people bully me, I would curse them, but surprisingly, this time I hope he would find happiness. Every time I think of how alone he’ll be, I feel unbearable pain…”
Yang Sisi wiped her red nose with a tissue, turning to look at the driver. “Sir, let me ask you, if you love someone, won’t you want them to live a better life?
“I always believed that these were hypocritical words, only found in books, but now I really hope that he would live a better life.
“Sir, don’t you find me quite dumb?
“Sir, in what way am I not good enough?
“Sir, he will definitely regret not being with me, right?
“Sir, I’m called Yang Sisi, not Song Xiangsi.
“Ahahahah… Sir, I’m not going to the hospital anymore, bring me to EX building.”
Jiang Licheng was home with Little Red Bean. When he had fetched the kid from kindergarten, he had driven the car away, so she stood by the street waiting for a cab.
EX building was in a deserted area. After a long while, she finally managed to hail a cab but the minute she entered it, before she could say her destination, the cab door opened once again. Someone entered and interrupted her, “Sir, the cemetery in the Western Suburbs.”
“Sir, I would like to go to Su Yuan apartment…” Before Song Xiangsi could finish her sentence, she took in the person beside her.
Yang Sisi.
Xu Jiamu’s girlfriend.
What was she doing here?
Song Xiangsi frowned.
The driver didn’t drive off, instead he asked, “Are you two together?”
“Yes,” Yang Sisi replied. She then added, “The cemetery in the Western Suburbs.”
Yang Sisi told the driver to wait for them at the entrance before glancing at Song Xiangsi, who was still in the car. “Aren’t you coming out?”
After about a second’s hesitation, she asked, “Miss Yang, why did you bring me here?”
“I didn’t want to bring you here, but at the same time, I wanted to bring you here, henceI decided to bring you over,” Yang Sisi blurted out.
—————-(∩ > ヮ < )⊃━☆ﾟ.*————-
——————–( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)————————-
Yang Sisi and Song Xiangsi walked into the cemetery in silence. On the way up, Yang Sisi spoke. “Me and Xu Jiamu aren’t together anymore.”
Song Xiangsi stilled, remaining silent.
Yang Sisi kept her gaze forward, walking up the stairs step by step. “It was today.”
Song Xiangsi followed behind her, keeping silent.
“I got him to design my signature, but he ended up filing the paper with ‘Song Xiangsi’, afterwards, he initiated the break up.”
Song Xiangsi’s throat tightened.
“Yesterday, he was dead drunk when he came home. When I helped him in, he kept pressing the wrong passcode. When I asked what it was, he told me it was 0513. When I tried to unlock his phone and laptop, the passcode was 0513 as well.”
As she spoke, she continued up the steps. She could feel her voice turning shaky, it was as though she was about to burst into tears at any moment. “If I didn’t remember wrongly, Miss Song, your birthday is 05.13, right?”
Song Xiangsi froze, her steps stilling.
Yang Sisi didn’t stop, continuing up the mountain as she rambled. “The first time I met Xu Jiamu, he brought me to Mushroom private kitchen saying that it was his favorite shop.”
Song Xiangsi continued forward after her, but inside, her heart was faltering.
She was the one who had introduced him to the shop, the very first time he was there, he found the food weird and had despised everything… When did it become his favorite?”
“Yesterday night when he laid on bed drunk, he kept babbling. He said ‘Sisi… Where can I find another you?”
“Sisi… Don’t go, stay…
“Sisi… You promised to stay with me, don’t leave me…”
Yang Sisi turned abruply to glance at the five meter distance between the both of them. “I thought that he was calling me, but afterwards, I realized he was referring to Song Xiangsi…”
Yang Sisi turned to head up once more, pausing, she pointed to a tomb. “We’re here, it’s here.”
Song Xiangsi glanced at her with confusion.
She pointed to the tombstone again. “Go, take a look and you’ll understand.”
Song Xiangsi hesitated before walking forward.
It was late and the cemetery wasn’t lit up, so she couldn’t read the words. Reaching for her phone, she switched on its flashlight.
When she couldn’t find a photo on the tomb, she frowned. She turned to look at Yang Sisi, only to find her face drenched in tears.
Silently, she turned back to the tomb. Using the flashlight, she searched the tomb. At the bottom right hand corner, she found three words : Father Xu Jiamu.
At that instant, her heart clenched, sending her world in circles. Her mind went blank and her heart seemed to stop.
After three full minutes, she finally processed the meaning of the words.
Father Xu Jiamu.
Father Xu Jiamu.
Father Xu Jiamu.
Was this the tombstone he had made for the child he thought she aborted?
MOAR UpVote (づ⚆□⚆)づ!!! Thx <3
Song Xiangsi remembered how when she had shown him the abortion document, he flew into a rage, smashing the furniture. At that moment, he looked as though he wanted to strangle her.
He also said that from that moment onward, they would be strangers with nothing between them.
At that time, she thought that everything was over…
She always thought that the both of them would just end like that.
But the date on the tombstone was from three years ago.
Did that mean that in the past three years, Xu Jiamu had never once forgotten about the child he thought she aborted?
Even thought the child wasn’t aborted, the sight of the tombstone sent tears streaming down her face.
Even though Jiang Licheng loved Little Red Bean, he was, after all, not her biological father, so Little Red Bean wasn’t able to feel genuine fatherly love even after two and a half years. Deep into the night, the thought would always sadden Song Xiangsi.
But now she knew… Little Red Bean never once lacked fatherly love, Xu Jiamu has always kept her in his thoughts…
“He said, he really wanted you to see the Xu Jiamu from the past, as it would be the only way you could see your influence.
“He also said that you used eight years to change him into the Xu Jiamu now, so he wasn’t able to use everything you taught him on another woman.”
Yang Sisi had already cried the entire day, so why did she feel so much worse now?
It was bad… She must really love Xu Jiamu… Even though it was just a short month, even though he struggled and failed to let her into his life, she never expected him to sink so deep into her life…
“There’s more, he also said that when he bought a ring to propose to you, you ended up giving him an abortion letter…”
Did Xu Jiamu really love her? The man that she had been in-love with for so many years loved her…
At that instant, she burst into tears.
“I’ll wait for you at the foot of the mountain.” Yang Sisi took two steps back before running downhill.
Only when Song Xiangsi could no longer hear her footsteps did she start crying.
It was a windless night, the cemetery was dead silent, so only Song Xiangsi’s sobbing could be heard.
The cemetery caretaker came down from the mountaintop when he heard cries, but when he saw Song Xiangsi kneeling in front of the tomb without any photo, he unknowingly blurted out, “Oh, it’s the empty grave.”
Song Xiangsi lifted her head, drying away the tears on her face haphazardly before turning.
The caretaker was an elderly man. “This is an empty grave, a man would come by often. You’re the only other person that has visited this grave. Every time that man came, he would stay for a really long time, talking to himself, on and on… Oh, I’ve also seen him crying by the tomb… He said something along the lines of – I miss your mother… Hah, I’m getting old now, my ears aren’t that good now, I can’t hear that clearly anymore…”
He shook his head and headed down the mountain.
==========================================================================
That night, Song Xiangsi stayed in front of the gravestone on her own for a long while, before making her way down the mountain.
Yang Sisi was chatting with the driver in the taxi whilst waiting for her. Seeing her emerge from the cemetery, she helped her open the car door.
Throughout the taxi drive back to the city, Yang Sisi and Song Xiangsi didn’t talk to each other. The taxi ride was extremely quiet. All that could be heard was the never ending thrum of the car.
When the taxi reached Fifth Ring Road, Yang Sisi told the driver to stop by the side of the road.
When the car came to a stop, Yang Sisi opened her purse. Just when she was about to pay, Song Xiangsi, who sat next to her without moving an inch since she got in, said with a raspy voice, “Let me.”
Yang Sisi didn’t fight to be polite with her. She shut her purse and shoved it back into her bag. With a “Thank you”, she pushed the door open.
After she shut the door, Yang Sisi hesitantly told Song Xiangsi, who was still in the car, “I shouldn’t have said all this, but since Xu Jiamu told me you were married, I thought about how he knew he couldn’t be with you but wasn’t willing to spend the rest of his life with someone else… It just made me feel sad…”
With that, the rims of Yang Sisi’s eyes turned red. She imagined that this was the first and only time in her life where she wanted to help someone who had hurt her with no regret at all.
She curved her lips into a smile at Song Xiangsi, and said in a soft voice, “Goodbye”. She quickly closed the car door, and turned around to leave with tears rolling down her face from the corners of her eyes.
Song Xiangsi originally wanted to have the taxi driver take her back to Su Yuan Apartments, but they ended up in an old neighborhood by Second Ring Road.
The mushroom restaurant wasn’t closed for the night just yet. There was only one customer having dinner in there. That person had quite a bit to drink and was speaking quite loudly.
The owner remembered Song Xiangsi. When she saw her, she excitedly escorted her to an extremely quiet corner table.
Song Xiangsi wasn’t really hungry but still ordered a few dishes.
When the owner took her order, she couldn’t help but say, “After all these years, you and Mr. Xu have not changed your tastes. Every time he comes here, he always chooses these dishes.”
Of course Song Xiangsi knew that Mr. Xu was Xu Jiamu. Her expression changed slightly, and she kept quiet for a moment before asking, “Does he come here often to eat?”
“Yeah.” When the owner finished taking her order, she smiled and said, “He usually comes once a week, and every time he comes, he’s always alone, yet he loves to have two sets of tableware in front of him. He would always put food into the other bowl as well.”
“Oh.” Song Xiangsi curved her lips into a smile, but didn’t say a thing.
The owner handed her the menu, then turned to leave.
Food was served quickly because there were so few people in the restaurant.
The dishes tasted just as they always had, nothing having changed. However, Song Xiangsi found it difficult to swallow. In the end, she barely touched the food, paid the bill, and left.
It was already ten in the evening. Yet she didn’t hail a taxi back home, but randomly followed the road.
The mushroom restaurant was quite close to the shopping district. Just when Song Xiangsi was a little tired out, she realized that on the road opposite her was the Xu Enterprise tower.
She looked up for a long time, counting the windows to Xu Jiamu’s office. The lights were on, but because it was too high up, she couldn’t see inside.
