A Billion Stars Can’t Amount to You - Chapter 417-424
Although He Jichen clearly kept the same silent and emotionless demeanor, for some inexplicable reason, Chen Bai felt a faint sense of anguish emitting little by little from He Jichen’s body and intertwining with the ring of light around him.
In that second, a thought suddenly drifted into Chen Bai’s mind that perfectly described He Jichen at this moment in time: Quietness is the most silent form of crying.
This man may look quiet and peaceful like he’s fine, but deep down inside, tears are falling.
I fear that silent sadness is the most distressing.
Outside the window, the dark of the night gradually deepened.
Having forgotten to put on his watch as he rushed out the door that morning, Chen Bai wasn’t sure what time it was with his phone switched off. All he knew was that when the whole city fell silent, an unusually ear-piercing notification was heard from He Jichen’s vicinity.
From the time Ji Yi left in the early afternoon till now, He Jichen’s phone rang more than once, but he never reacted. But when this other phone rang, his fingers around the teacup suddenly trembled and the cold tea spilled over the back of his hand.
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He left the mess alone and with his other hand around the chair, he reached into his pocket and pulled out an old phone.
Chen Bai furrowed his brows and couldn’t help but feel curious.
What’s with Mr. He lately? Instead of using his new phone, he takes out that outdated phone every night and messes around with it…
While Chen Bai was lost in his own thoughts, a bleak look came across He Jichen’s face. He stared at the screen for a long while then pulled his gaze away and stared out the window. Then his brows tightened like he was caught in some kind of inner struggle. Eventually, a look of agony crept onto his face.
–
Ji Yi didn’t know just how long she’d been crying; all she knew was that she cried until she was exhausted. She didn’t even have the strength to flip around.
She figured that she might as well lay there stiffly, staring up at the ceiling blankly.
She didn’t know how much time had passed, but the color on the ceiling turned darker until Ji Yi could see nothing at all.
Like before, she didn’t react and simply laid there in a daze until she couldn’t take it anymore. She climbed out of bed to use the bathroom.
She had laid in bed all day without doing a thing, yet she came to discover that her entire body was exhausted; she had no strength left.
As she came out from the bathroom, she didn’t go back to bed. Instead, she stared out at the pitch-black sky out the window for a while then slowly let out an “oh” in her mind. She thought: Ah, so it’s already dark.
With her parents abroad and being home alone, Ji Yi was hungry from having not eaten all day. After she headed downstairs to the kitchen to find something to fill her up, Ji Yi glanced over at the wall clock on her way out the living room. It was already ten in the evening.
She returned to the bedroom, walked over to a chair and took a seat. After staring out at the dark sky out the window for a long time, she withdrew her gaze and stared at the phone that was tossed to one side. A while later, she reached out to pick it up.
After she left He Jichen earlier that afternoon, she cried all that she could cry and felt all the agony possible. Now, she should do what she had to do.
Ji Yi unlocked the phone, opened WeChat and found He Yuguang’s name. After she clicked into their chat, she stared at the screen in a daze for a while then pursed her lips as though she’d made up her mind about something. She raised her fingertips and started to type away.
“Yuguang Ge, I’m sorry. Something has been wrong with my phone the past two days. It should be fixed now.”
She didn’t want him to know what happened between her and He Jichen because she was afraid the news would be upsetting and hard to take.
After all, they were married and he treated her so well. She couldn’t help but care for his dignity.
Ji Yi thought up an excuse for not keeping in contact the past two days then her fingers continued to type away on the keyboard non-stop.
“I’ve already returned to Beijing. When are you coming? I’m not busy these days, so whenever you’re free…”
As Ji Yi typed this, she started to feel a dull pain in her heart. She even had to stop what she was doing because of the pain in her fingers. After some time, she gritted her teeth and endured the pain as she typed the last few words: “…let’s meet up.”
–
After she silently left Shanghai two days ago, He Jichen called and texted her so many times. He even asked Cheng Weiwan and other people on the production crew to contact her. He thought she was hiding from only him and not others… yet she didn’t reply to anyone.
If he hadn’t turned up at her hotel entrance and waited for her, he probably still wouldn’t have any news about her.
And yet, she replied to He Yuguang.
Just as he was desperately and helplessly searching for her, he put his final hopes on He Yuguang, hoping that he could find out where she was, considering that he was the person she liked and cared about.
Heaven knew just how conflicted his heart felt when he picked up He Yuguang’s phone to text her. He was afraid she’d reply to He Yuguang and see the difference between him and He Yuguang. He was also afraid that she wouldn’t reply and was worried for her safety.
Deep in Ji Yi’s heart, He Yuguang must be really, really important. She found an excuse to explain why she lost contact with him the past two days and agreed to meet him in Beijing.
But what about me?
In comparison to his conversation with her earlier that afternoon, he learned just how big the difference was between him and He Yuguang in her world.
He was crazy over her in the past. He felt betrayed and hysterically hurt her along with himself. He matured for her and changed, just to stay by her side as a friend. After trying hard for so long, he was never able to reach her side. Did that mean they truly weren’t meant to be together?
He didn’t believe in destiny, but at this very moment, he started to believe it a little.
He really wanted to be with her. If fate meant for Ji Yi to only like He Yuguang, didn’t that mean he could…
A colossal thought unexpectedly came into He Jichen’s mind.
How could I stoop to such a crazy thought?
He only started to act as his older brother to get close to her… Now, he actually wanted to use He Yuguang’s identity to be with her forever.
Do I like her and want to spend my life with her that much?
But it really was a great way.
Even though it was a little hard to take, it would allow him to have her; he could possess her. He could tell her what was on his mind, even if this meant she’d never know that the person who truly loved her was He Jichen, not He Yuguang.
At that thought, He Jichen looked back and stared at the black screen for a moment. Then he unlocked the screen and replied: “I’ll be in Beijing in the next two days.”
After the message was sent, He Jichen thought about it and added: “How about we meet in the evening in two day’s time?”
Perhaps he took too long to reply to her since Ji Yi’s reply appeared on his screen almost an entire ten minutes later. “Alright, Yuguang Ge. See you the day after tomorrow.”
At this moment, it wasn’t a good time for He Jichen to talk to Ji Yi like he normally would or use He Yuguang’s identity to chat casually. His fingers quickly tapped the screen twice and he hastily ended their conversation. “Manman, I have some work to do and it’s late. Get some rest. See you the day after tomorrow. Good night.”
“Good night.”
Ji Yi’s reply came soon after. He Jichen cradled the phone as he stared out the window.
He still liked her, ardently and clumsily. He liked her so much that he’d give her everything even if he had nothing.
He liked her so much that he was willing to accept her love and spend the rest of his life with her using the identity of the man she liked. He was willing to silently watch as he, who loved her the most, slowly died.
Silent heartbreak exuded from his body and filled the air.
His eyes were filled with sadness, hurt and even helplessness.
–
Ji Yi thought He Yuguang would meet up with her at a classy restaurant for dinner like usual, but to her surprise, he sent her a message at five in the afternoon that day. “I’m sending a driver to pick you up at eight. Remember to eat at home before you come out.”
Ji Yi wasn’t annoyed, but she figured that He Yuguang probably had too many dinners and couldn’t make the time. He could probably only have supper with her, so she didn’t think too much of it and replied with a single word, “Okay.”
Ji Yi was ready by seven fifty in the evening. Twirling around in front of the tall mirror in her bedroom, she checked to confirm that there weren’t any problems with her outfit then picked up her bag and headed downstairs.
She crouched down in front of the shoe cabinet and chose two pairs of shoes that matched her dress. After thinking it over, she chose a pair with shorter heels.
19:57: Ji Yi left the house.
The car that He Jichen booked had been waiting downstairs for a long time now.
In the afternoon, He Yuguang texted Ji Yi with the car’s license plate. She took the elevator and reached the first floor where she stepped out of the building and saw the car waiting to pick her up.
The driver must’ve seen a photo of her because he immediately got out of the car when he recognized her. Then the driver helped open her door.
Ji Yi realized that He Yuguang still hadn’t told her where they were going to meet, but come to think about it… the driver probably knew. She didn’t say anything but sat quietly in the car as she let the driver speed through the streets of Beijing.
About half an hour later, Ji Yi incidentally caught a glance of the landscape out the window and realized they had left downtown. Her brows couldn’t help but furrow gently.
Where’s He Yuguang meeting me? Why are we all the way in the Western Hills?
“Where are we going?”
When the driver heard Ji Yi, he shot her a smile through the rearview mirror. “Miss Ji, you’ll find out soon enough.”
Ji Yi figured that He Yuguang must’ve told the driver in advance not to tell her. She assumed he wouldn’t say anything even if she asked again, so she shut her mouth.
The car continued to drive for about ten minutes. It drove up and stopped halfway up a mountain.
The driver got out and helped Ji Yi pull open the car door. “We’re here, Miss Ji.”
“Thanks,” said Ji Yi as she got out of the car.
After she found her feet, the driver pointed over at the bend nearby. “Miss Ji, Mr. He asked if you could please wait over there for a moment.”
Why did He Yuguang ask me to meet half-way up a mountain in the middle of nowhere at night?
Ji Yi was suspicious at heart, but she still shot the driver a smile. “Got it, thanks.”
“Then, Miss Ji, please take a seat. I’ll head down now and wait for you,” said the driver.
“Alright.” Ji Yi nodded.
The driver courteously bowed at Ji Yi then turned to get into the car after saying goodbye.
When the car started, the car lights lit up the area half-way up the mountain.
The summery mountain landscape was beautiful with luscious trees and rich wildflowers in bloom.
Soon enough, the car made a turn not too far up ahead, then followed the path down the mountain.
The entire area instantly fell pitch-black. It was relatively quiet on the mountain, and subtle sounds now seemed unusually loud. The car had driven off for quite some time now, yet Ji Yi could still hear the faint sound of the car.
Ji Yi stood still in the same spot where she got off the car for a short while before she reached for her phone and used the light to guide her to the bench.
About two minutes later, the sound of the car completely disappeared and the atmosphere instantly fell quiet.
The night breeze blew gently as the tree leaves rustled. Wave upon wave of an intense floral scent made its way into Ji Yi’s nostrils.
Ji Yi was the only one in the area. It was pitch-black all around her and aside from the endless sounds of insects, she couldn’t hear anything else. Seeing as Yuguang still hadn’t appeared, Ji Yi’s heart grew apprehensive, so she grabbed her phone and prepared to send him a message to ask for his whereabouts. Just as she opened WeChat, she saw a light in the corner of her eye not too far away.
Ji Yi instinctively looked up and saw a blurry ball of fire glowing from the foot of the mountain.
Before she could figure out what those balls of fire were, she saw several more balls of fire coming into her field of sight.
Those balls of fire glowed a golden-yellow yet orangey light, which looked shockingly beautiful in the pitch-black sky.
Ji Yi stared for a good while before she called herself stupid and realized they were sky lanterns.
As the first sky lantern came into view and rose higher and higher, Ji Yi started to notice numerous sky lanterns at the foot of the mountain drifting up to the sky.
With her own eyes, she soon saw the entire sky filled with sky lanterns.
It was a magnificent sight to behold; so beautiful and stunning that it took Ji Yi’s breath away.
She raised her head and stared at the rising sky lanterns for some time before she took out her phone to take a photo.
She chose all different angles and took about five or six photos when her phone rang. A message jumped onto the screen from “He Yuguang”: “Manman, do you like it?”
Ji Yi was tempted to take another photo, but then she suddenly stopped.
Yuguang Ge’s asking if I like it?
By this, does that mean he’s the one who filled the sky with sky lanterns?
Did he ask the driver to mysteriously take me there just to give me this stunning sight?
Ji Yi’s lips quivered. Before she could put her phone away, she heard “tap tap tap” sounds coming from beside her.
It was the tapping sounds of a keyboard on a phone…
Ji Yi instinctively turned her head and looked over to see He Yuguang sitting in the empty seat beside her. He had his head down, concentrating on typing.
Ji Yi was stunned.
When did Yuguang Ge turn up? How did I not sense a thing?
Ji Yi hadn’t come to her senses when her phone rang in her palms. She blinked in bewilderment as she slowly turned away from “He Yuguang”‘s side profile and looked at her phone screen. Then the words he just typed came into view: “Do you know what day it is on the lunar calendar?”
Ji Yi always used the Gregorian calendar and rarely took note of the lunar calendar, so she was confused for a few seconds. Then she hurriedly opened the calendar on her phone.
May tenth of the lunar calendar.
Sitting next to Ji Yi, He Jichen watched all her movements. Without waiting for her to reply, he started to type on the keyboard: “Do you still remember the first year of high school, when Jichen drove us to Sucheng’s Jixian district?”
Reading that line, Ji Yi remembered.
At the time, she and He Jichen weren’t close. There was a Xianxia TV series that was really popular at the time that had a sky filled with sky lanterns when the main female and male characters reunited.
The scene was incredibly beautiful. After she saw it, it was all that was on her mind. She often brought it up with He Yuguang. Later, it wasn’t clear who told He Yuguang, but he found out there was an annual sky lantern festival on May tenth that was two hundred meters from Sucheng in Jixian. Many people went to release sky lanterns that day. They wrote their wishes on them, released them into the sky, and prayed for their wishes to come true.
Because it was too far and it was at night, nor was it good for them to stay overnight, her grandma and He Bomu didn’t allow them to go.
At the time, He Jichen wasn’t even eighteen yet. He didn’t have a driver’s license, but he already knew how to drive. The night before, he stole He Bofu’s car keys. The next day, it snowed as she and He Yuguang secretly rushed over to Jixian.
The journey took at least four hours. When they made it to Jixian, it was already eight in the evening and there was just half an hour left till it was time to release the sky lanterns.
Not having eaten yet, the three of them rushed to Jixian in time to release their own sky lanterns.
That night, the sky over the town of Jixian and the remote area half-way up the mountain were covered in sky lanterns just for a moment.
Ji Yi stared up at the stunning, breathtaking picture of the sky with boundless joy as she turned around endlessly.
Wherever she went, He Yuguang was by her side.
Whereas He Jichen looked tired from driving and he sat down on a rock with a bleak expression on his face. He looked as though he wasn’t the least bit interested in the view Ji Yi was admiring.
After the sky lantern festival ended, they went back on the road overnight. Like before, Ji Yi was excited.
He Jichen sat in the front, concentrating on driving, and she sat in the back with He Yuguang. She started to talk about how she definitely had to see an amazing view like this seven years later when she graduated from university.
Come to think of it, it had been seven whole years since she said that. If she hadn’t been in a coma for three years, then now, she would’ve been about to graduate from university.
Thinking back to it, Ji Yi softly said to “He Yuguang,” “So, Yuguang Ge, you asked to meet me here because of that night, seven years ago?”
When He Jichen heard Ji Yi say this, he looked down. He gently tapped the keyboard and he sent just one word to her phone: “Mhm.”
That simple word let Ji Yi know that the beautiful scene captivating her was specifically prepared for her.
Ah… Seven years. Seven years had passed, yet Yuguang Ge actually remembered.
All of a sudden, intense emotions bubbled up in her heart. After some time, Ji Yi forced herself to speak. “It’s been so many years – I never thought Yuguang Ge would still remember such a thing.”
It wasn’t He Yuguang who remembered, it was He Jichen… He remembered every little thing about Ji Yi’s younger-self very clearly.
Just like her first year of high school. They weren’t close, but he came home as soon as school ended every day because he knew she would often come to his house.
He actually stayed at home for her, but every time she visited, he pretended that he didn’t care in the slightest and played video games.
When she was at his house, he would pay attention to her every word and movement, so he often overheard her telling Yuguang Ge how she hoped to see a sky covered in sky lanterns. Then he started to search online and found out about Jixian’s sky lantern festival. Since they weren’t close, there was no natural way of inviting her, so he told He Yuguang about it.
On the way back from Jixian, she said that she definitely wanted to see a spectacular view like that again seven years later when she graduated from university.
Even though he didn’t utter a word to her and He Yuguang on the drive, he constantly caught glances of Ji Yi through the side mirror.
He saw He Yuguang gesture to her in sign language: “Okay, I’ll go with you in seven years.”
As He Yuguang couldn’t talk, she understood basic sign language, so she nodded cheerfully and said, “Okay, okay, Yuguang Ge, let’s meet seven years later to watch the sky lanterns together!”
At the time, he really thought the trip was worth it because she was so happy seeing such beautiful scenery. It was only later that he realized her happiness back then was because of He Yuguang’s promise to see it with her.
He Jichen returned from his wandering thoughts and started to type on the phone: “I promised you that we would see the sky lanterns together seven years later, but it was such a shame that many people were burned by Jixian’s sky lanterns a couple years ago. The festival’s been canceled now, so I carried out the promise I made seven years ago to you here.”
Yeah, he really did promise her, but it was a one-sided promise to her that he made deep down inside.
At the time, he watched her chatting to He Yuguang as he drove. He Jichen secretly thought to himself that in seven year’s time, no matter if He Yuguang remembered or not, he would definitely take Ji Yi to see the sky lanterns again.
Seven years later, even if he had to do so under the identity of the man she liked, he fulfilled that seven-year-old promise he made to her.
This time, “He Yuguang”‘s text message was a little long, so Ji Yi took some time to read it.
He remembered such a careless promise he made when they were young, just like… He Jichen. By West Lake, she randomly told him that when women are upset, he should use lipstick to cheer them up. That night when she got drunk, after she told him that he upset her, he really prepared a room filled with lipstick.
Her emotionally touched mood fell to rock bottom when He Jichen suddenly popped into her mind.
If things were how they were before, she could let herself be completely happy, but now… The more He Yuguang treated her well, the more torturous it felt for her.
She and Yuguang Ge hadn’t seen each other for three months now. Now after meeting again, he created such a beautiful scene for her, but what about her?
She actually had sex with his younger brother while being married to him, and she even had feelings for his younger brother too…
Ji Yi stared at the rising sky lanterns that looked like little stars. Her heart started to ache.
She didn’t say anything and he didn’t a word; silence fell in this spot midway up the mountain.
A gust of the evening wind drifted past, blowing Ji Yi’s long hair across his face. The itchy sensation was coupled with an intoxicating scent.
He Jichen’s fingers around his phone couldn’t help but relax as he finally turned to look at Ji Yi.
She raised her head and looked up at the sky lanterns in the night sky. It wasn’t clear what she was thinking about.
With the dim lights beside them, he could see the unbelievably bright glow of the sky lantern-filled sky reflected in her eyes.
His heart trembled gently.
As long as he was prepared to confess his deep love for her with his older brother’s identity and accept Ji Yi’s love for his brother, then perhaps he could spend his whole life with her…
My whole life… Three captivating words…
He Jichen’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he continued to stare at Ji Yi for a while. Then he withdrew his gaze and stared up at the floating sky lanterns in the distance for a moment. In the end, he couldn’t resist the temptation and picked up his phone. He typed something and sent it to Ji Yi: “Manman…”
When she felt the vibration in her palms, Ji Yi suddenly snapped back to reality. She tore herself away from her troubled feelings over He Jichen and He Yuguang, looked down, and glanced at the screen.
It’s just my name… What did Yuguang Ge call my name for?
Ji Yi turned her head in confusion then saw “He Yuguang” staring at the phone attentively like he was wondering how to tell her something.
Most of the time, a woman’s sixth sense is very accurate.
Before “He Yuguang” could raise his fingers to type on the keyboard, Ji Yi already had an inkling of what he might say next.
Her fingers clasped the phone in her palms tightly.
After five seconds, she saw “He Yuguang”‘s fingers move. He used the Nine Grid Chinese keyboard on his phone. She saw him first tap “9,” then “6,” then “9” again, then “4,” but when his finger hovered over “4” for a second, a light bulb turned on in Ji Yi’s mind, confirming her intuitions.
Seeing “He Yuguang”‘s fingers about to tap “4” for the second time, Ji Yi suddenly cried, “Yuguang Ge.”
Up on the quiet mountain, her voice sounded hurried, unusually sudden, and ear-piercing.
Having been frightened, “He Yuguang”‘s fingers shook for a moment as he was concentrated on typing. Then he released his phone and turned to look at Ji Yi.
He couldn’t speak but his eyes were filled with silent questions.
Ji Yi tightened her grip on her phone then she cried, “Yuguang Ge, I didn’t come to see you tonight to meet with you like we usually do.”
Ji Yi paused for just a second then continued to say, “Tonight, I came to see you because I have something to tell you.”
The expression on her face was very serious. It was so serious that He Jichen really believed that she had something important to say.
He cast aside what he was planning to say as he put his phone away and gave her a nod to let her continue.
Seeing He Jichen’s reaction, Ji Yi gulped and said, “Yuguang Ge, although we were on the same page at the beginning and were just helping each other out, I’m still very thankful to you. Last year when I was at my wit’s end, you stepped up and helped me land a role on ‘The Palace’ without asking for anything in return.”
A few days ago, she thought about the things she wanted to say, but when it came down to really saying it, Ji Yi realized her heart was starting to feel a dull ache before she even got to the point.
She held her breath unflinchingly for a few seconds; she waited until the pain subsided before she continued. “Come to think of it, eight or nine months have passed. My problems have long been resolved, so I shouldn’t continue to drag you down. At this point, I wanted to see you to tell you…”
A few days ago, she cried so many times that she should’ve finished crying all the tears she had. However, when she got to the main point, her eyes still became red and her voice became a little haggard.
She pursed her lips tightly as she stared unwaveringly at the lanterns in the sky for a moment. Then she gritted her teeth and pressed on to the main point. “… Yuguang Ge, our agreed marriage should end now.”
It wasn’t like He Jichen wasn’t curious about the important thing Ji Yi wanted to say, but he never imagined that as soon as she opened her mouth, she would talk about her and He Yuguang’s marriage.
He had a feeling deep down about what she was going to say next, but when she really did say it, he was still completely stunned.
Ji Yi waited for a long time but didn’t receive any messages from “He Yuguang.”
She didn’t dare turn her head to look at him. Strictly speaking, she didn’t dare move in fear that any movement would cause the tears in the corners of her eyes to roll down.
She continued to wait for some time, but seeing that he was still motionless, she repeated what she said one more time: “Yuguang Ge, our agreed marriage should end now.”
Having remained unflinchingly still from her first word, He Jichen finally blinked and picked up his phone about ten seconds later. “Manman, why did you suddenly decide this?”
“It’s not a sudden decision. It was a decision I made long ago. After all, we aren’t really married. My parents don’t know nor do yours, so it’ll be pretty easy to end it like this. At the very least, it’ll save us some trouble.” Although Ji Yi tried her best to speak clearly, she realized that after she spoke, her voice sounded slightly shaky.
The night when she decided to end her fake marriage with He Yuguang, she already experienced pain. Yet, it was at this very moment that she knew the pain back then was no comparison to the pain she felt now.
But there was no other way. She had no other choice. He Yuguang and He Jichen were biological brothers. If she was with either one of them, it would be impossible to avoid the other brother. Now that the two of them had entered her heart, she couldn’t forget either one of them and pretend that she never had feelings for them. She couldn’t wholeheartedly like only one brother, so all she could do was give up on both.
